'Ka ni Kim

I’m happily married and I support the divorce bill.

I won’t go into too much detail or belabor the point. My wedding was already covered extensively in this blog. At the time I’m writing this, my husband and I have been married for just over a year, and together for more than seven years. I certainly don’t represent every married woman in the country, but those are my credentials.

I have a short but important message to anyone in need of divorce: I wish you freedom. I pray that our lawmakers make the right choice and give you the ability to start over. And I also wish you healing. I hope that whatever prompted this decision no longer haunts you, and that you’re getting the psychological, social, financial, and legal support that you need to move forward with dignity and confidence.

If you’re happily married as well and leaning against the divorce bill, let me tell you something, lovingly: If you want to be with your person forever, nothing will change after divorce is legalized. Nothing has to change. If you love and support each other, and have made a commitment together, your marriage will be utterly unaffected by divorce becoming legal.

In the very same way, if OTHER people get divorced – maybe even people you know, maybe even people you had always assumed were happy with their spouse – nothing will change about you and your marriage.

What I would suggest instead (and feel free to take this or leave it) is, when you hear about these situations, err on the side of kindness. Don’t assume they’re being impulsive or careless. Don’t assume they think of their marriage as a joke. We are not privy to people’s private affairs, and if you had issues in your relationship, you wouldn’t want people to demand that you share all the gory details. Don’t ask that of them. Don’t scream at them to justify their decision, to spell out their pain, to dig up painful old memories, only for you to invalidate them.

If you have been blessed to experience love, pay that love forward. If you have been extended understanding, be understanding. If you have been given the benefit of the doubt, give that benefit of the doubt to others. Don’t assume the worst of them, as those who love you have never assumed the worst of you.

Assume that their divorce needs to happen. Because more often than not, it really does.

Resources

Grounds for absolute divorce are the same as grounds for legal separation per the Family Code of the Philippines, title II, article 55. See the full text here.

If you have experienced gender-based violence and are in need of support, you can:

• approach the VAWC desk of your Barangay Hall
• contact Lunas Collective
• report abuse to the Gender Watch Against Violence and Exploitation on their website or via Facebook

Cover photo by Amy Ave.